Jokes in the Dark: The Strength of Humor Amid Tragedy

As a walking exhibit of cracking jokes at inappropriate times, I ramble about the therapeutic role of humor, drawing from personal anecdotes.

The power of laughter is an extraordinary force, and it's astonishing how humor can serve as a coping mechanism in the darkest of times. I've seen it in others, and if you’ve met me, I am a walking exhibit myself. That beautiful moment when a simple joke cuts through the heaviness of tragedy and pain, providing a glimmer of light. And then there are the “That’s what she said” jokes; they are absolutely unnecessary but so funny. Humor is a lifeline, and I've seen it save the spirits of people who've gone through unimaginable circumstances. But time it well, please; it gets awkward at funerals.

One weird evening last year, amidst the hahas and the “kem cho’s,” my brother and I looked at each other from across the room to step out and smoke a cigarette before the Rakshabandhan festivities began. As we stepped out, he said, “By the way, I had to tell you, my marriage broke down.” My sister, midway tying her shoe, looked up at me and then at him. Both of us stood there, blank. He pressed the button for the elevator and said, ‘Sangeet ka choreography waste jaayega, koi aur kar lo shaadi’ (The sangeet choreography will go to waste; please, somebody else get married) and giggled to himself. He cracked a few more jokes about it that day, and so did we. He laughed wholeheartedly at the low blows by his cousins, and so did we. No holds barred. It didn't fix anything, but it made the unbearable just a bit more bearable. We sat down and talked about it a couple of months later when he had had some time to process it.

I've seen this pattern repeat in various forms throughout my life. When my friend lost his job during COVID-19, he began calling himself a "professional napper" as he spent his days searching for new opportunities. “I’ll sleep for four hours, then talk to my girlfriend, then I hope somebody will pay me to test their beds out,” he said. His ability to find humor in his situation was not only infectious but also inspiring. We weren’t walking on eggshells around him on what not to say because he had already eased it for himself and all of us around him. It wasn't a denial of the pain but a way to navigate through it. Also, when I was out of a job, I was losing hair each second. So, I cannot comprehend.

Humor's power in tragedy extends beyond individual anecdotes; it's evident on a broader scale too. Consider the story of Robin Williams, whose incredible wit masked a deep well of inner turmoil. He once said, "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don't want anyone else to feel like that." Humor was his way of coping with his own inner demons while brightening the world for others. Or take any dark comedy as a reference, e.g. The Dictator, which uses humor to attack those who impose racial stereotypes and tackles racism and homophobia while being hilarious every second. In what world is calling a woman “Hairy Potter” okay?

In this arbitrary world filled with news of bombings, children dying, and just a general air of sadness, the ability to find humor amid the darkness is a skill that not only helps individuals but also brings people together. It's not about trivializing pain or suffering; it's about finding a way to navigate through it, to keep going, to breathe despite the weight on your chest.

But let's not forget that humor is personal. What makes one person laugh might not work for another. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with tragedy. And perhaps that's the most important aspect of it all – the freedom to choose how we cope. In my experience, the best way to support someone going through a tough time is to be a friend who listens, offers empathy, and doesn't judge their chosen coping mechanism.

As for me, I've cracked a joke(multiple) in the midst of sorrow. It doesn't make the pain disappear, but it paves a way through the darkness. It's an affirmation that life, even though shitty, still holds moments of joy. It's a reminder that even in the most challenging times, we can find a reason to smile, even if it's just for a fleeting moment.

And if a hug can solve it, why crack the joke?